I always understood what he meant, when Hamlet muttered "words, words, words".

Though I can't remember the day it happened, I wouldn't hesitate to say that since I began to read, I was both perplexed by, and in love with words.

Words can be gentle.
Words can mean more than one thing (a concept, I'll add, that is almost impossible to explain to children. Because, and I agree with them, WHY?).
Words can manipulated.
Words can be loaded.
Words can be changed with the slightest inflection.

This is what makes writing so hard. Inflection is perceived by the reader. As an author, you have to choose your words carefully in hopes that the meaning will be clear. None-the-less, you have little control over what your readers see.
And for some, this is what makes communication so hard. Why can't a word just mean what it means? Plain and simple.

I'll tell you what I tell my kids when they ask why words can have more than one meaning.

I don't know. I didn't make it up. I wish I did, but a bunch of stuffy old men did, and now we're stuck with it. So let's just work with what we've got.

Tonight, I had an enjoyable conversation with friends about the idea of reclaiming words. Specifically, reclaiming loaded words.

I'm sure you can think of a few.

And you might think that one of my favorites - the eff word is on that list. But I would argue that it's not. Loaded words become loaded for two reasons. Either the origin is one of hatred and negativity OR, like the Nazi's taking the swastika symbol, somebody very powerful took the word and turned it into something hateful and negative.

In case you were wondering, the eff-word does not fall into either of those categories. It seems to have become a negative word because sex is often (for whatever reason) perceived as negative. And it has evolved into a word with many meanings and uses. Which is probably why it is my favorite. It's a multitask-er.

But that's neither here nor there.

The words we were talking about are words like the n-word. the c-word. f*g and dyk* (ok, that one was hard to bleep so that you would know what it actually was, my apologies). There are more out there. Those are just examples. Please don't get upset if I forgot your loaded word. There is a good chance I don't even know it.

To me, the idea of reclaiming a word that is so loaded and hateful is impossible. As a lover of words, this is hard for me to reason, but the best way I can think of is that I simply believe those words should be retired. They can be used in a historical context, and just like with history, we should at least learn to understand it. Which is NOT the same as saying we should learn to agree with it. However, a loaded word should not be brought out as a reclamation of who you are.

Trying to reclaim a word, to me, is like standing up and shouting "I WANT TO USE THIS WORD TO DEFINE ME WHILE MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AND POTENTIALLY REMIND YOU OF A PAINFUL MEMORY BECAUSE MY BELIEFS AND NEEDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE AROUND ME. BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT."

The argument FOR reclaiming words often leans towards the peaceful idea of a 'healing process'. If you can reclaim a word that has been painful for you, than you are bigger than that word, and therefore you are healing.

I'm not completely opposed to that thought process.

but.

People, as people are wont to do, have taken it 5 steps too far. We are pushing our healing process onto others. We are misusing the idea of healing to simply push boundaries. We like to watch others squirm. A lot. Have you watched reality TV? We are obsessed with it. We think watching others become uncomfortable is funny. We think it is thought provoking. We think that it is art.

It is none of these things.

It's just plain old disrespect.

It's is not only a disrespect to the power of words (and, really, can't we find MORE powerful words to squash the ones that we think are so important to reclaim?) but it is also a complete lack of understanding for the people around us.

As I'm sitting here processing my thoughts on this, I find myself wondering if I should give examples. But I'm not going to. I am not here to point out specific groups (because IMHO, no one group is more guilty of this than another. And BAM, just by grouping people, I have just unintentionally used words to generalize. See?) because that in and of itself is exactly what I am speaking against.

What I will say is this, I believe that if we are going to all jump on board with the idea of reclaiming words, it's all or nothing. It is unacceptable to say that f*g is reclaimed but the c-word is not. Or for me to say that I can say the c-word but you can't because of reasons a, b and c. That doesn't work. It negates the argument for reclaiming words.

So should we jump on board this bandwagon? If you ask me, none of these loaded words are acceptable. So, no. If it's all or nothing, then let's go for nothing. It sounds a lot less painful. And there are enough words to go around, so we can afford to retire a few.

Your words are powerful. Use them well. Treat them with respect. Honor them by understanding where they come from, how they have evolved, and how they can be used with honesty. And never, ever intentionally use them for harm.

But heavens knows, we all make mistakes. So let's have a little bit of grace for each other. Ok?




Your turn. What are your thoughts on loaded words? Do you use them? Do you think it's ok to reclaim them? Is it all or nothing, or should some words be retired and some words be reclaimed?